creativity

i'm feeling artsy lately. in the last month, i've written a few new songs, outlined a play, decorated someone's room, and begun to edit a video. so far in april, i will play and sing at a music fest, open a photography exhibit of my own stuff, and go to a performance of STOMP at the performing art center. of course, as i type this, i am supposed to be designing a new brochure for a Native village corporation, after which i will compile visual elements to be included in our new company website.

so you can see why i needed an outlet to write about it. creativity makes me smile.

besides, i need to blog about something else so that my whiny valentine's day mope (below) isn't the first thing one might read upon visiting my blog. and single digits or not, it IS technically spring now, so the grumpy hibernating brett can kiss my sparkling, white booty.

spring makes me sassy.

fancy feast

since i don't feel like explaining the role depression can play in various plot devices one can employ (either consciously or subconsciously) within any number of creative endeavors, i will instead provide visual evidence of a uniquely profound and under-documented portion of my life. that is to say: i got all dolled up for a work-related public spectacle, and pictures were taken.

i was at the hotel captain cook for a super duper wine & food fest with my coworkers and a good friend of mine. since it was a fund raiser for the american cancer society and we did a bunch of stuff for them pro bono, we got a table. there was a 6-course dinner with featured wines throughout the night.

so it was pretty fancy. (at $125 a seat, i guess it should be.) i don't drink wine, but i tried the food, and it was good. not really my kind of thing, but it was cool to try something different. anyway, this provided the impetus to try to be the best-dressed brett i could be, and i think i succeeded, although i think that perhaps the best feature of my special attire was how well i matched the colors in my bathroom.

so here you go. enjoy.


photographic proof of what i look like all gussied up.


see? my shirt is the same color as the pumpkin orange walls.


rindianapolis eats a fancy something-or-other.


SOLCOM!!! no power in the verse can stop us.

the year that was 2006

having just restored my ability to blog (after a year's absence), i will now attempt to enlighten you in written form, with the intention of providing a transition between the posts below (2005) and the posts that i presume to eventually be posted above (2007 - whenever), by taking a look at what i did during 2006 when i wasn't blogging, which was (apparently) all the time.

maybe it was the constant job juggling (6 different jobs in a calendar year! my new record!), or the eternal quest for food (lowest income level since 1992!), but blogging was eventually replaced by myspace. i think mainly it was a desire for connection and friendship, because i was a lonely duck. so i was on it all the time.

now fast forward to earlier this week, when i realized how dumb and unnecessary it all was. AND I QUIT. so now maybe i'll have some time to blog every once in awhile.

because, when i really look at the year as a whole, 2006 pretty much sucked. i'm really glad it's 2007, because i look at the coming year and feel more hopeful – about almost everything – than i have in a long time. it will be filled with challenges i'm sure, but i'll probably want to write about it occasionally.

so the blog is back. happy new year.

happy turkey day

so i'm at school (which is also my work [i got hired permanently as a teacher assistant at king career center], so in the future, work and/or school is essentially the same thing), and i'm wearing my authentic "turkiye" t-shirt with the turkish flag on it. since it's the day before thanksgiving, it seemed appropriate.

anyway, i end up in one of the classes that i am not assisting in, simply because of the potluck/cultural exchange occuring with the newcomers class. many different countries are represented, and then someone reads my shirt and calls me a turkey.

well i informed him that i was actually FROM turkey and that tomorrow actually is our national holiday "turkey day". way before those dumb pilgrims even thought of accidentally discovering a new continent, my country achieved its independence through the use of shields made of hammered bronze.

the shields of course, were useless because of their immense weight. but every time a soldier would drop their shield, the resulting crash immobilized opposing soldiers with the sheer volume it generated. soon the young turks were slaughtering their oppressors with the onslaught of heavy metal. and even today, the turkish company 'zildjian' continues to manufacture the best crash cymbals in the world.

what this has to do with their adoration of turkeys, i still don't know. but these marvelous birds are revered and worshipped as national treasures. we don't kill our turkeys intentionally, but if one happens to die, we will only eat the drumsticks.

ba-dum, bum...

where's brett?

well, i'm still alive and breathing, but my blogging muscles have atrophied and i can barely type a coherent sentence. in the space of time that exists between this post and the previous one, several noteworthy news items should be mentioned. and in the interest of informing the uninformed public as to my current events, herewith shall i proceed to so inform you that:

1. i quit my job. abruptly, but not without cause.
2. i killed my car (twice), and fixed it (once).
3. i procured a professional-quality video camera.
4. i started a band with my upstairs neighbor. we rock.
5. i restarted my freelance business doing video and web stuff.
6. i learned a lot of stuff about why i've been so screwed up.
7. i started a class to fix it.
8. i sold my new drumset to a friend because i couldn't pay for it.
9. i became a sub teacher assistant for extra cash.
10. i lost some weight due to the poorness factor.

so there you have it. you can feel free to bounce up and down, joyously relishing in the veritable avalanche of newsworthy items that you have now been buried with. please be sure to leave all your grateful messages, wishes of wellness and charitable donations to the comments box below. (i accept pay pal.)

so you want me to blog

ok, i shall. todays subject will be how INSANELY BUSY i am. and i therefor purport to divulge my life in written form, consisting almost entirely of a top ten list that itemizes everything that i would have blogged about this past week, if i wasn't so insanely busy doing all these insane and busy things to even think about blogging.

1. work. this full-time thing kinda sucks the life out of you.
2. fishing. big, family road trip/fishing charter for the weekend.
3. lawn care. in exchange for food. i'm that poor.
4. homework. i'm in a guys group and i'm way behind in our workbook.
5. drumset. just bought it and i've been putting it together in my room.
6. laundry. i'm cranky when i can't wear my favorite kind of skivvies.
7. waiting. to hear from my kiddo upon her safe return to florida. (til yesterday.)
8. pictures. organizing and photoshopping for upload and printing.
9. moving. helping dad move stuff around in their new house.
10. dreaming. of my next big project. (it's big.)

i forgot to do it backwards like letterman, but oh well. i don't see it letting up anytime soon, so this will have to do until i get some more time.

and it occurs to me that all of the comments left encouraging me to return to my blogging ways were left by people who could be described as female. many of which were (and presumably still are) cute and single females. and i would like to announce to the entire world that this doesn't bother me at all.

the threat has ended

and i'm back. it only took 8 comments to break my previous record, so thanks everyone for caring.

and here's what's been happening in the last 5 weeks. my daughter arrived, we have done many summer activities, and i got a new job which i started yesterday. so i won't be as poor, nor as bored. this job will keep me quite busy. they seem to actually appreciate me just being here, and i get real live desk!

but the best part is that they let me continue my part-time schedule until hosanna leaves in two weeks. so as a present for everyone, i uploaded a few of the latest photos to my flickr page for all to enjoy. ain't she cute?

the blatant threat

it seems rather unnecessary to inform the public that i am temporarily discontinuing my blogging ways, when all you have to do is see when my last post was posted, and then you would kind of get that impression all by yourself. i guess i thought i would leave some sort of an explanation, on the off chance that someone might stop by and wonder if i was ok. this also, is rather ludicrous, since most any casual observer will see by reading the previous post that my daughter is arriving (in one week now) for the bulk of the summer, allowing me to ditch most any reasonable task on the grounds that my daughter is more important than pretty much anything while she is here.

but the real issue here is that nobody actually reads this blog. or if they do, they leave virtually no trace whatsoever in regards to their participation or enjoyment level. so i'm going to withhold all ramblings, vents, newsworthy exclamations and expositionary prose until i get some hard evidence that there are people out there who care. that's right folks, i'm holding my own creative output hostage and demanding ransom. so if you want to know how i feel about anything, if you want to hear about my impending job search, if you want to see photographic evidence of my daughter's phenominal growth, then you know what to do:

click on the "comment" link and say something. if sufficient evidence is found, then i will gleefully inform the entire world on all that is fun, thought-provoking and exciting on a regular basis. but if not, then just get used to a life completely devoid of wit, variety and humor, because i really mean it. and anonymous votes from my mom don't count.

so i guess i would just like to wish everyone a swell summer. happy trails.

twenty days and counting

my coworkers enjoy james taylor. this is the biggest problem in my life right now.

so while james taylor might be bad (and he is), it still lets everyone know that everything else must be going relatively smoothly at this moment. and it is.

without a complete explanation, i would like to relay that God is doing good things in me. something about finally abandoning my plan for my life and signing on for His plan produced a chain reaction of overwhelmingly positive effects. getting there was not easy, but since i've done that, i must say that i have never had this kind of peace about things before.

and there are a number of things that i am now looking forward to. first and most importantly, my daughter will arrive in less than three weeks. i am completely enthralled with this reality. six whole weeks with my kiddo! in honor of this, i am posting some photos of last summer's visit at my photo page. here's a sample:

of gypsies and car titles

here's a picture from my travels to romania last summer. taken during a short visit to a gypsy camp outside csikszereda, i remember being mesmerized by their eyes. they allowed me to take point blank portraits, without any pretentious "cheezing". i recently posted my favorites from that trip on flickr. (to see more of my photos, you can see them here.)

and speaking of gypsies, here's a good story from the past week.

so i bought a car from this guy, the title is NOT in order, he leaves for california and then the tags expire and i cannot get new tags without a title in my name. simply put, i am at the mercy of this guy returning and going with me to the dmv to straighten everything out. but i can't get in touch with him, and nobody knows when he will return. i end up riding my bike a lot. this goes on for three weeks.

then i get this call. he's back. we agree to meet at the dmv the next day. i am ecstatic.

so after crossing wires about where we are meeting, i tell him he needs to fill out a title application. (this is where i discovered three problems fairly quickly.) first, he cannot read or write, so i fill it out for him. second, he has no middle name. ok, that's not that big of a deal. but third, he doesn't know his driver's liscense number, because he lost it in california. at this point, i wonder out loud if this is going to fly or not.

so while i'm getting a number, he goes to get his wife who is already at a window. basically, he cuts the line. he talks to the dmv worker and next thing you know, she's helping our case. apparently, she has pity on me, or him, or both and takes care of everything.

this is when i met his wife for the first time, and she takes a liking to me. they were talking to each other very rapidly, while i wrote the check. when i asked, his wife explained the origins of their language. as i suspected, they are speaking romany, the gypsy language. most of the gypsies i met spoke hungarian, so i wasn't completely sure. but we talk about romania, and their family, and it was all very sweet.

anyway, with all the titles taken care of, they split saying "God bless you" and that was my interesting story for the day.

i got the car i/m'd, tagged, and legal. my laptop got a new keyboard for free. and we're getting a new lock for our mailbox. so i'd say that it was a pretty good week.

what the (bleep) do we know?

(that's the name of the movie i'm reviewing, for those of you who might not have heard of it.) and i really tried to make it through the whole thing. tried and failed. it was THAT bad. you all know i love movies. it must be really horrible for me to go out and rent it and then decide to do something else.

i was actually very interested in the movie, hearing good things about it, and reading the synopsis and see marlee matlin in it, i decided to rent it about three times before finally finding a copy in the store. you'd think that would be a good sign.

but my goodness, what a greasy gob of garbage! actually, using the term "movie" is being very generous. it's more like a poorly produced infomercial for some really spacey, new age hooey fooey. i'm not really sure what it was they were peddling, maybe scientology or something, but it was a pretentious pile of crap.

it's a bunch of people talking really "deep" about the nature of reality, quantum physics and how we aren't really sure what's real and what isn't. kinda like the matrix in the "there is no spoon" school of thought, except without anything looking nearly cool.

marlee matlin is that deaf actress that got an oscar or at least a nomination about ten or fifteen years ago. man, she couldn't act herself out of a wet paper bag. i would have never suspected that i would ever say such a thing before i saw this movie, but i'll take keanu reeves over marlee matlin any day.

so yeah, after about the longest half hour i've ever experienced, i got that thing out of the dvd player and plopped in "stalingrad". i was so glad that i got two movies!

"stalingrad" was a german movie made in 1992. it's about the epic battle of stalingrad, russia, during world war II. if you saw "enemy at the gates" then you know a little about the story. this is kind of the same thing, except from the german point of view, and it was very interesting to me, given the 60 year anniversary of germany's surrender this week.

of course, it's bleak. but i like movies that are not happy endings, and i pretty much knew everyone was going to die. and it was also much more authentic feeling without the english dialog and contrived love triangle that made "enemy at the gates" a little too western for me.

so that's two movie reviews for you, if you count the first one as actually being one. hope you have a pleasant tuesday.

patience

so it feels like this has been a major theme in my life of late. i don't recall ever praying for patience, but if i did, i'm really sorry about it. and it's not just one major thing that i'm waiting for (although i can talk about that if i really wanted to), but a whole bunch of little things.

it just seems that anything that i might depend on is taking much longer to transpire than i would expect it to normally. tax returns, storage unit keys, or final payments on the car i just sold. it doesn't matter what it is, even if it's just an answer to a question, it takes a few weeks. right now i'm waiting for the guy who sold me betty (previous post) to return from california so that he can accompany me to the dmv in order to get the title in my name. taking a chance on some cheap wheels, i skipped a few of my normal protocols because hey, it's only $900. but apparently, they're pickier about title matters than i thought. whether by his mistake or careful design, i have been left with an unregistered car with newly expired tags.

so what, am i supposed to just not fret about it, and ride my bike until he returns my call? does that seem stupid to anyone else? or is that called "patience"? i have to admit that the picture of this becoming sort of a fairview-style showdown is difficult to shake.

i try to remind myself that all these things will come to pass in time, just like they always have. i know that wigging out doesn't do anyone any good. the new glasses will arrive. new projects will come in at work. the mailbox key will dramatically reappear.

and maybe i'll become more patient.

alternative can only last so long

i can now definitively say that napoleon dynamite has officially ceased to be cool, as evidenced by this resolution in the idaho legislature.

things i am thankful for today

. clean laundry
. walking to subway in my short sleeves on a sunny day
. being able to afford lunch at subway
. receiving my tax return via direct deposit
. having a cassette player in my new car
. having my roommate back after housesitting for a month
. finding my lost cellphone
. talking to my daughter
. my boss treating me to a cranberry/grapefruit sobe
. that i only work part-time and can leave in 30 minutes

well, it beats whining about everything.

a public admission of stupidity

after accepting a proposal from an old friend to help redesign a christian dating site, i researched it a bit and was cleverly sucked into the bait and tease. i tried it. it was pretty lame. and it's a really good way to feel unacceptable and desperate. so i've bailed out on the whole thing, and i posted this on my profile at 'loveandseek.com':

(where is the best place to go on a date?)
you'll probably never get to find out.

(what are you looking for in a partner?)
someone who isn't part of the fickle online-dating-site madness.

(i'd just like to add...)
...that dating sites are dumb. well, i've never tried any others, but based on my experience on this one, i can make a sweeping generalization about them all. i freely admit that i was just another lonely duck and i feel stupid for giving in to the temptation. at least it's just a $10 mistake. i wish good luck to all the other suckers who might be able to read this before it gets yanked.

and indeed it was yanked (twice). fancy that! so i'm kind of embarrassed about the whole thing. ok, really embarrassed. but if i can say it publicly then it's behind me. onward and upward i say.

oh, and they didn't like my designs either because the boss thinks he's a designer. and he's colorblind.

feeling flaky

so this morning, i was running a half-hour late (as opposed to a half-hour early) due to my alarm clock which had apparently not been sprung forward. and i sold my car yesterday. oh, and there's an inch of fresh snow, with more coming down.

so of course, it's the perfect day to ride my bike to work.

and i will begin and end my justification of this supposed stupidity by saying that this is exactly what i needed. furthermore, i don't even have a car lined up, and i feel no compulsion to buy something right away.

why? because i have been feeling grotesquely lethargic and fairly bulbous of late, and this is a good way to get me off my butt. so here's hoping that my butt gets less sat upon, and i feel more and more human, and that i don't hurt myself in the process.

visual placebo

due to a lack of time (and desire) to spew forth all that encompasses my earthly existence of late, i instead purport to "share" some of my life in the form of some recently uploaded photos. hope you like them.

what? you say the photos are too contrasty and saturated to be natural? i don't know what you're talking about.


here's some of the scenery from delta when i visited my folks.


nothing like a good campfire (in the rain).


same camping trip, looking out over nancy lake as she melts rapidly.


here you go lindsay – now you're famous!

tis the season

this is my brother. he's displaying his holiday cheer in a very bold and rawalt kind of way. the suit belonged to my father, who wore it every year at the appropriate time to the dismay and embarrassment of his entire family. but my brother has continued the tradition, and now the shock and awe we've known for generations can be shared with you and everyone you love and hold dear.

three dozen

so today i have some assorted thoughts about impending birthdays...

i'm excited to finally say the exact age, instead of saying that my birthday is coming up and that i'm ALMOST that old. ok, well, maybe "excited" isn't the best word, but i do hate the dilemma that arises when asked about my age near a birthday. at what point are you "close enough" that you simply round it up to the next number???

and i guess it still amazes me how often my age comes up. it's almost a novelty. maybe if i got fat and married and responsible then people would leave it alone. unfortunately, the only progress i can report is a slight weight gain since being able to afford ice cream bars.

my friend lindsay has gone to the trouble of planning a get-together of some kind for the day, and i have been trusted with the task of handing out invites that i am not supposed to read. i know when it is, but i have no idea what is in store. secretly, i am hoping for one continuous backrub, so i'm trying to invite people with strong hands.

my feelings about the day have become increasingly indifferent. when you're a kid, the excitement regarding each new age is nearly tactile. when you get older, you develop a more "bah, humbug!" type of attitude. now i see no reason to make a big fuss either way.

that's all i got today.

love and affection

so i can think of no better thing to blog about than twix ice cream bars. i have found them to be delicious, addictive and absolutely wonderful. when i die, they may be the one thing i miss the most.

weekend events (with comments!)

wrote a moody and cynical song on friday. (fancy that!)

helped at a jr. high all-nighter friday night (and saturday morning).

during which, i sunk 3 backwards half-courts! (1 in the dark!)

went to a hockey game with 2 friends for free. (we lost.)

watched "touching the void" with joel. (horrific story. great movie.)

drummed at kids church sunday morning. (hooray for monitors!)

took an afternoon nap. (zzzzzzz...)

talked with my mom. (my folks are back in the state again.)

that's about it (for now).

word of the day starts with an 'f'

i was trying to decide what i could possibly write about that wouldn't get me frustrated just thinking about it.

after a long and thoughtful pause, i decided that i can say something nice about drumming. drumming is fun. i love drumming. i drummed last night, and it was wonderful. of all the musical endeavors that i have attempted, nothing has been as emotionally and spiritually fulfilling as drumming with actual musicians.

i just wish i could be a better drummer. and it's difficult to get better when i don't have a drumset, or even a place play it, should i ever become lucky enough to possess one. heck, if i were asked to play drums more often, i could conceivably improve just by playing more regularly. but the requests are sporadic, which of course, is frustrating, and i was trying really hard not to be any more frustrated today.

screw it. i'm not writing anymore.

scenes from a hospital

the father-in-law waiting patiently for news from the operation.


paul's wife (jessica) also tries out the waiting room recliner.


"mr. ten penny" waking up from the anesthesia.


three days later, gimpy displays the culprit of all the hoopla.

so this is what i did this weekend: i spent some time at providence hospital, due to a really unfortunate accident that you will now hear about.

on friday, my poor buddy paul accidentally shot himself in the leg with a nail gun while on a construction project. the 10-penny nail went completely through his femur, so it hurt pretty bad when he lowered himself down three stories of scaffolding. his boss ruined paul's work pants by ripping them open, threw him over his shoulder and put him in the truck and hauled butt to the hospital.

fortunately, the nail missed any arteries, so he didn't bleed to death in 20 minutes, which was nice. they took a bunch of x-rays, and then worked on removing the nail. paul says it hurt. actually, he told me this process was the most excruciatingly painful thing he has ever endured which, if you knew paul, would really mean something. paul is perhaps the toughest cookie i've ever known.

paul immediately underwent surgery to insert a metal rod inside of the femur, from knee to hip with pins at both ends. this will allow him to walk right away, without a cast or anything. i got to the hospital while everyone was waiting for him to get out of surgery. i have to say that the family was amazingly not-freaked-out during the whole thing. we prayed a little, but mostly just talked and joked around passing the time.

what you don't know is that his wife was in the same hospital in august to remove a ruptured appendix. or that his father-in-law was also there twice last year for surgeries after a motorcycle accident broke his pelvis, messed up his face and nearly killed him. and just two weeks ago, paul rolled his 4runner. one might think that maybe these people just get used to everything blowing up around them.

but i think it's more like seeing God take care of His own when they are going through it. seeing paul ask one of the nurses how her day was going (when obviously his day might qualify as anyone's worst ever), just exemplified the kind of Godly character that i suppose gets developed when you go through these kinds of trials with the right attitude.

kind of makes me want to stop being a such a crybaby when i don't have enough cash to afford fast food.

anyway, he was discharged sunday and i was glad to be part of the extraction team. paul is now hobbling up and down the steps at home, getting ready for the four-to-eight weeks of rehab. workman's comp is taking care of the bills.

my movie awards for 2004

so it's the oscar season, and in protest of all that is big, bloated and over-hyped, i have decided to recognize some movies that i thought were far and away more enjoyable than their blockbuster kin.

to start, i want to honor HERO as the most beautiful movie ever made. i absolutely loved it, and i think it is so weird that that it didn't get even one nomination, when the flavor-of-the-month-sometime-in-2002 (crouching tiger) was half the movie HERO is.

next, i really think HOTEL RWANDA was an important and effective movie. i wish i could make everyone watch it. yes, it is hard to watch at times, but the filmmakers are careful to keep the shock value to a minimum so they can focus on telling the story.

i know that ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND is up for a few oscars. but really, it should be up for many more, including best picture and best actor. and i should say that i don't even like jim carrey either. it's just one of the most creatively ambitious movies ever.

any movie with angelina jolie in it should be automatically termed as a hollywood blockbuster. but SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW is different. first of all, the director had never done any movie before. and he animated the 6-minute short to land the deal all by himself on a mac II. the entire movie was shot on bluescreen and composed digitally for a really small budget. so it's an indie movie (kinda), and i liked the style.

and finally, hats off to SHAUN OF THE DEAD, a weird and quirky zombie comedy romance that actually works. those crazy brits!

yes, i know. i skipped napoleon (dynamite) because everyone knows about it already, so either you love it or hate it, and i can't say that it isn't overhyped anymore. i did enjoy some of the year's hollywood movies as well, like THE INCREDIBLES, THE BOURNE SUPREMACY and THE VILLAGE. but i'm all for the little guy, and i'll gladly skip most of the oscar pictures just because they all seem so pretentious and devoid of all creativity, striving with all their might to be terribly important and oscar-worthy.

God (part II)

so my last post wasn't the most cheery entry i ever wrote. (perhaps you noticed.) as some had guessed, God and i were involved in a wrestling match.

and while much of what i wrote may be true, i have come to some resolution on the matter. things don't always turn out the way that i want, but i will stop short of saying God is mean-spirited and relishes in this fact. God's plans still far outweigh any alternatives, so i have decided to stop whining about where he may be taking me and how long it takes to get there. without God i am so toast.

speaking of which, i broke down and purchased food this weekend for the first time in about a month. this may seem like a simple thing, and it is. but it was so cool last night to actually cook something that i was excited about eating. i did my laundry and made fried red potatoes with a vanilla shake, all while cooking in my boxers BECAUSE I CAN.

i think i'm about done being sick.

news about the true nature of God

so today's subject is the character of God. yes, of course, there is a God. i've met him, and we're just going to breeze right past any of that stuff to talk about his character.

well, it only seems fair for me to discuss it, since HE only seems to be interested in one thing, which is MY character. it really bugs me. i don't think any of the things i'm really interested in interest him even remotely. like how i'm going to pay for my car insurance. like when i am going to stop being sick. like when i might be able to buy groceries again.

the truth is that of course, all these things will eventually come to pass. but here's where the character of God is all about waiting, content in knowing that money problems and health problems are really great helps in molding my character. yes, "by his stripes we are healed", but he doesn't ever promise WHEN. to God, what good is faith unless it is TESTED? sure, God answers prayer, but usually in a different way than we were expecting, and always after a whole bunch of waiting.

ever have God promise you something? my advice is to forget you heard anything at all. if God tells you something about the future, then chances are that it will not happen in the way you were thinking, and much further down the road than you ever would have imagined. by trying to "figure out" the best way to get to whatever it is that God told you about, you risk screwing it up.

look at abraham. God tells him he's going to have a son. He's 75. he should of shrugged his shoulders, and said "ok", and went on about his business, because the son God promised him wasn't born until abraham was over 100! instead, he had to make it with the maid, end up with an ishmael, and look how great that turned out.

we all make ASSUMPTIONS based on what we think God told us. and they are usually wrong. why? we all try to make God's will fit into some sort of scenario that will make US happy. but there are no more diametrically opposed forces than God's will and our own. our will has to do with our own comfort and happiness, and God doesn't care about those things. in fact, i think he hates them.

so that's why we will never be really happy (even as a christian!) unless we can embrace things like suffering, mourning and patient endurance. these are the tools God uses to bring about all the things HE finds important.

i realize that i am ignoring all the good things that God does indeed provide for us. i am not saying they don't exist. the problem i have is that my ability to enjoy pretty much anything is hampered by God's character and his neverending quest to form mine. so basically, i would like to publicly admit that i am not enjoying this process. and if i hadn't edited out all the wordy dirds, you would see this even more plainly.

that is all i have to say today.

from britney and brett

this year, the valentine's season has been... well, a bit different. i was going to rant about how much single guys love the holiday because we don't have to buy nothing for nobody, but i think i will skip it. i would tell you more, but i am compelled to withhold such information on the grounds that i might incriminate myself.

however, i CAN tell you that i gave out valentines for the first time in my life. 30 foil valentines featuring britney spears, which i found some weeks ago at value village for a buck. i also sent my kiddo a handmade valentine so that she knows she is loved. other than that, i think i'm going to shut up.

so you don't really need to guess where i am at with the whole thing. no, my status hasn't changed. and i'm not bitter. or heartbroken. or gay.

but i am still sick. i sound like bob dylan, and i feel pretty much like he looks. have a happy v-day, everybody.

i almost died this weekend

ok, so i'm writing this on friday, knowing that i will not be able to post it until monday probably, assuming i am well enough to work by then. i have been sick at home all day, although i usually don't work on fridays anyway due to my part-time status. but nobody will probably know the difference, because 1) i can post retroactively, and 2) the number of people reading my old posts can be counted on one hand.

but i am bored at home and i feel the need to write about it, so write i shall. besides, talking hurts my throat.

so here's the whole sick story. i figure i contracted said sickness tuesday from the husky-voiced lindsay who, as winner of the late-night imitation nerf hoop madness detailed in the previous post, had her germy hands all over the communal nerf ball more than enough times to ensure transmission. so when i was done shooting some real hoops with my roommate joel on wednesday night, i was surprisingly exhausted. "i feel OLD," were the words i used.

and the truth is that i AM old, but i hardly ever feel it. so i was kind of relieved on thursday when i started feeling worse and realized that i was only sick, and not actually turning old. i think old kind of feels like sick, but in a more prolonged way.

i worked through thursday without a whimper. but when i got home, my true nature took over. i am the biggest achy breaky whiny baby in history when i am sick. i moan and wail and complain whether there's anyone around to hear me or not. and since i wasn't feeling nearly pathetic enough, i busted out some chick flick dvds that lindsay borrowed me. (like it wasn't enough to just infect me.) so here i am, writhing in pain and snuggled up on the couch with my blanket and all four of my pillows, crying at all the appropriate moments because i feel so alone, in a sickly and unattractive way, and even though i'd like to call someone, i'm trying really hard not to use my cellphone during the day. you see, i went over my minutes last month (even though i didn't use it for 9 days while i was out of state), and i am woefully poor as it is, so i'm being careful with it, and like that would help me feel any better since i can hardly talk at all anyways. so yeah, that's the physically draining and emotionally turbulent state of affairs that i have been living in today.

joel is home now and has been playing bond on the xbox while i've been venting. if i am sick long enough to become addicted like poor joel, then someone please find me and kill me.

the nerf hoop

here's ryan clanking one off the backboard during late-night imitation nerf hoop madness.

so i figured out how to post pictures now. i put in one for an earlier post, and you see my kiddo and me in it. so this will add to the appeal of what i hope to make into an actually interesting blog site.

so actually, my daughter (hereafter referred to as "monkeybutter"), was the one who blessed me with the imitation nerf hoop as a christmas present. joel and i have become addicted to it, and now our addiction has been shared with the unsuspecting hordes who have entered our tidy little flat with the intent of watching a movie. last night, we had a four-man and one-woman game of "frog". (it's like "horse" but spells better things.) it's still hard to believe, but lindsay (the token female) was victorious, sinking the final shot at around 2am.

and now we are out of dishwasher detergent.

where i learned all about minimalism

i just want everyone to know that the new u2 album is awesome. i've been ingesting for the last few days, and it's some good stuff.

i got into u2 way back in the day, before they were the super popular "epitome of the 80's", all over everything with "the joshua tree". they kind of relished being more obscure and alternative for awhile, until "beautiful day" hit it big in 2001. now they are back again, with their own ipod, commercials galore and more hits.

but i feel compelled to say that these guys have written some of the best music around for 25 years now. if anyone ever bothered to listen to the stuff they put out before "the joshua tree", you would hear some young lads experimenting with minimalism, discovering the power of music and not being too pretentious about it.

and i hate to break it to all of you, but "the joshua tree" isn't even their best album. for my money, i'd pick "achtung baby".

all of their albums have one thing that everyone seems to forget about: songwriting. there are many bands with more talent, but u2 continues to succeed no matter the genre, because they know how to put together a good song. even their weakest and weirdest album ("zooropa") has some really good songs on it.

so there you go. give "atomic bomb" a listen, and you'll hear some old irish guys at the top of their game.